cosmo tip #255
expertcosmotips: for a sensual new experience, gently ease a pregnant iguana into his urethra tail-first and coax it into laying its eggs once it is securely inside
thorhead: can you imagine ancient egyptian spelling bees though “spell mummified” “eye fish eye eye bird squiggle bird cat circle” “are you high”
cosmo tip #254
expertcosmotips: they call it a money shot for a reason, every time he cums on you, take 100 dollars out of his bank account
Reblog if you like touching penis.
clientsfromhell: A client sent an (exceptionally) rude Word Doc outlining the ‘psychic’ website she wanted to start, with comments like “I know you’ll have trouble understanding this,” “don’t question me, I know it’s going to work,” and best of all, “I know you have nothing going on in your life - see this as an opportunity to finally do something useful.” After I sent her my quote… Client:...
baraskank: oh my god my dad just went out to walk the dog and he must have got halfway down the street and then he just came back and I was like “what’s the matter” and he just said really quietly “i forgot the dog” and my dog was just siTTING BY THE DOORSTEP WITH HIS LEASH ON LOOKING REALLY SAD kOMFGYOD
lliampayne: one time at starbucks on my cup they wrote “fuck i can’t remember your name”
yukishiido: oh hey apparently the doctor who game is out i should get it on my ps3.
badcgijosh: Sext: You look into my eyes as my mouth stretches open. Lovingly, I begin to spew an endless dark black cloud of live hornets